The following is a true story. It is not a work of fiction. Seriously, I couldn't make this up if I tried...
Have you ever had a real life sitcom moment? You know, where something so utterly bizarre happens that you can't help imaging it as an episode of [insert your favorite sitcom here]? Well, I just had a doozy. I'm talking an Emmy worthy moment.
While my parents are out of town I am watching their house for them. I've had kind of a rough past two weeks, mentally and physically, and I thought I'd end my day by lighting some candles and soaking in their as-yet-to-be-used jetted tub.
Well, I should have known better. My first tip off that things weren't quite aligned for me in the universe tonight should have been the 15 minutes I spent trying to find a lighter in this house. [Indiana Jones had an easier time finding the Ark of the Covenant!] I finally did find one, outside in Dad's workshop, while carrying a shovel with me in case some stray racoon or the wild guinea hens tried to attack me.
Back inside, I lit some candles, put on some easy listening, or as Direct TV likes to call it, "Spa-New Age Music" and prepared to
finally enjoy some rest and relaxation.
Jokes on me!
I get in the tub (full of luke warm water after the long search for the lighter) and as soon as I turn on the jets I realize that the "on" button has gotten
stuck in the "ON" position. "You have GOT to be kidding me", I'm thinking to myself. I try several times to pop it back out. No use. Nothing. It's stuck down in it's casing. So, like the intelligent person I am, I decide to let the water out and get up to reach for a towel and then to find something pointy to wedge the button back up. But, as soon as I stand up, what do you think happens? The water level drops below the jets and water shoots out like a hose at a four alarm fire! Water everywhere! I mean ev-er-y-where! I stand there for a second, dumbfounded. Then, I sit back down, but the water is still draining quickly and soon it's below the jets again and there are more water works! I am flipping OUT! I'm actually trying to cover the jets with my hands, my legs, my feet! Anything! It's like that old comedy bit where a pipe springs a leak and the actor tries to stop it with their finger but it just comes out somewhere else.
It is at this point, that I feel like there should be a camera somewhere and a studio audience off in the wings, laughing hysterically, right on cue.
So, while all these thoughts of Emmy winning sitcom fame are running through my head, I'm also thinking, "how the heck am I gonna get out of this?" For a split second I am terrified that I will have to call the neighbor, who just happens to be the guy who built this house less than 2 years ago. I quickly rule that out with thoughts of the Sex and the City episode where Miranda's back goes out while she's in the bath and Carrie unwittingly sends Aidan over to pick up a naked Miranda off the floor. No thanks. Not today.
I then quickly put the plug back in the drain and start to fill the tub again to get the water level back above the jets. That way, I can at least get out, dry myself off and, oh, I don't know, run to the garage to turn off the breaker for the tub? Hopefully it's labeled properly, otherwise I'll just turn the whole house off if I have to.
Once the tub is full, I can get out without water shooting all over the place. As I get out I remember the door on the side of the tub. Maybe there is a switch inside where I can turn it off. I find something to prior open the door and what do I spy? The electrical cord plugged into the socket. YES! I unplug the motor and take a deep breath, standing in a puddle in the middle of the bathroom [Don't worry Mom & Dad! It's all clean now.] I turn around, look in the vanity mirror, and take a bow to my imaginary audience...towel securely wrapped around me.
And what's the first thing I do when I come to my senses? Run for my camera, of course!
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