Cause He's The Taxman

found at : nataliedee.com

Glamour Shots Gone Bad

Your eyes explain a story
That never had a start
Your brow reveals the glory
That's hidden in your heart

Face dances tonight
Fate chances moonlight

This week we've been working on a self portrait. I just love self portraits. No, not really, but this one was a lot less painful than usual. And pretty comical, too. We had to make some kind of facial expression, and since I have a rather extensive repertoire, this task came quite natural for me. Plus, I have no fear when it comes to showing the ugly.

We used the grid method in order to enlarge the image. Just what the world needs; a double lifesize portrait of my mug, right?

I have a lot more shading to do, and obviously I need to fill in my hair, because, as you can see, I'm not a blonde.

While we're here, I thought I'd show you my first self portrait. This one was in a painting class over 16 years ago. This was also to be an expressive portrait. Man, I had some big hair back then...and eyebrows!

This was my angry look. Truthfully, it was just the easiest face to make since we were painting from a mirror and not a photograph. And I really did look like that! I should post a picture from that era for comparison...but I won't.

acrylic on canvas

Tiger Woods. Not An Oscar-worthy Performance.

Some thoughts on Tiger Woods' "press conference" today:

• Weird, completely scripted (badly), coached, uncomfortable, insincere, UNheartfelt speech.
• Tiger, you couldn't put on a tie?
• What was with the Terminator delivery with the blank stares at the camera? "I. have. let. down. my. fans." I was waiting for the rest, "...but, Ah'll. be. bahk."!!
• He was acting up there. This was a performance. The pauses, the looks of shame. I can't help feeling it is way too late for this kind of speech. If he were going to put on a performance of this magnitude, it should have been done the moment the news broke. Before the long trail of women appeared. You don't wait until 3 months later.  
• What the heck was up with the camera angle at the end? Is he using his friends and family as set pieces? As a receiving line of support as he hugs them for the camera? He should have said what he had to say and walked out of the room. Period.
• I hope Lorne Michaels is taking notes! I can't wait for the SNL skit!
• And what's with Gloria Alred and her porn star client holding their own press conference afterward? What in the world?  A crying porn star is upset because she didn't get a public apology from Tiger, who told her he "loved her" and for whom she quit her "acting" career?? Um, Honey, did you not watch the news? He kind of says that to a LOT of girls. I'm sure you can still get a part in the next block buster, "What Wood Tiger Do?".

I've Got Some Sweet Washboards For Ya...

...but unfortunately not the abdominal kind.

I was looking for an interesting way to organize my necklaces and dangly earrings that didn't involve the usual mesh and a picture frame that you see everywhere. Not that there is anything wrong with that particular DIY fix. It just wasn't appealing to my delicate sensibilities. I know "form follows function", but it seems to follow far, far behind in the picture frame/mesh case. I'm looking for pretty here, people. I like pretty.

So, when I was at a furniture store, of all places, I found a big barrel full of {monkeys? no.} these reproduction washboards that have been distressed and painted with the sweetest flowers in the brightest, cheeriest colors, and something just clicked in my mind.  I found my solution to the jewelry organizing problem. I bought two washboards and happily carried them home with me and, as usual, they sat around for about a month until I got busy.

"And how, Ms. foobella, did you make washboards into jewelry storage", you ask?

Well, let me show you. After buying a package of cuphooks and digging through my stash and finding some eye hooks, I went to the craft store and bought some really cute ribbon and this is what I came up with:

I attached eye hooks to the top and bottom of one board and to the top only of the second board. Then I tied them together with the ribbon, added some cuphooks to the bottom board, and hung it on the wall.  Voila!

I'm sorry, but I think that is the cutest thing ever. I know I have a big mouth and it might not be apparent to those who know me, but I am such a girlie girl when it comes to my boudoir, it's not even funny. The rest of the house? Not so much, but my bedroom? Oh, it's all girl, and I'm not ashamed to say it. Well, at least it will be "all girl" when I'm done with it. I still have quite a bit to do first. Give me a chance though! I just moved in, um, in October! I know. What can I say? I procrastinate!

Now, I just need to figure a way to hang my earrings on the top washboard. Cuphooks won't do. I saw this one fix where they hung ribbon across--something, I can't remember what--and the earrings dangled over the ribbon. Meh, I don't like that for here. I'm sure I'll come up with something, but in the mean time, any ideas? Suggestions?

Cut Loose Those Crooked Apron Strings

What's that saying about cutting loose the apron strings?

Here's an update on that sweet little apron I'm supposed to be sewing. Let's just stay a safe distance, though, shall we? I wouldn't want to offend anyone who actually knows their way around a sewing machine.

Well, with my usual flair, I did a bang up job. A bang up messy job on this baby...around the neck line and the neck ties with some bunching, and crooked seams, and a zig zag stitch with a straight stitch on top of it, but do I care? Heck no! Seeing as I haven't touched a sewing machine since 7th grade, I was pretty pleased with myself. I was even dancing around the living room a bit. Really! I was! I crack myself up sometimes.

The thing is, I'm now stuck. How in the world do I attach this flouncy thing to the curvy end of this apron? I really want the flounce, man! It's so girly, and I gotta have it.

I've looked at many online tutorials for sewing a hem on a curve, blah, blah, blah, I get it, I get it. But, "seeing" is one thing, and "doing" is quite another. [And yes, I know I was supposed to cut the white parts out along the pattern, but really, I was too chicken. bok bok.]

Oh sisssssterrrr. I think this little project might just be on hold till you come down for a visit. ;)

Sew Imperfect

I told my sister, the sewing queen, I wanted her to make me an apron. She gave me this for my birthday last month:

It's a really cute apron.....that I have to sew myself! I don't think I've ever received "homework" for my birthday.

Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not complaining about it. I love it! This is a great gift because she knew I wanted to start sewing again. It's been a while since I used a sewing machine and she thought I could handle this. To be more specific, the first and last time I used a sewing machine was in 7th grade home ec class when I made a red gingham pillow stuffed with cotton balls and crossed stitched with the names of my favorite bands. Why did I stuff it will cotton balls? I have no idea. I just did.

Now, back to that apron and me attempting to sew it. A while ago my sister gave me her old Mongtomery Ward (anyone remember that store? Are there any left?) sewing machine which might have even belonged to our Mom first. I'm not sure. [Sewing machine was sis's wedding present from our parents. awwwwww]

Last year I brought it in to get a tune up and to fix whatever it was that wasn't working. After two trips to the repairman, and a little bit of slapping around, it seemed to be ready to roll and today I loaded that baby up and practiced some stitching on scrap paper.

I then felt brave enough to cut up the apron pieces. I thought I'd start with the cute little pockets and the first one was a breeze!  I sewed it up, turned it right side out and pressed it. I was so proud of myself! I know, I know.  Childs play. But I'm a beginner, remember? Small steps. Little miracles.

And then it was back to reality. My second pocket didn't go quite as well:

I had a little mishap around that hairpin curve and kind of went off the edge [Don't worry, I drive much better than I sew].  I'm a master at covering up my mistakes and just went back over it again. It might be a bit wonky, but it'll do. Couldn't even tell once I turned it right side out.

We'll see how it goes with the rest of the apron.

....to be continued.

Wet 'n' Wild

I have a bit of catching up to do on posting work from drawing class but I just wanted to get this one posted right now.

I love, love, love working with ink and we learned a new technique last week. I really wish our teacher showed us this technique last semester because I would have used it in my final project.

It's called "wet in wet" and you first wet the area you are working on with a paint brush loaded with water. Then you dip the brush in the tiniest amount of ink and dab it into the wet paper and watch as the paper sucks it up and spreads it across the wetted surface. It's the coolest thing ever and easily my favorite of all our assignments.

The still life above is the second one I did. The first one I did is still at school. We get to display them in a showcase in the hallway for a couple of weeks. This one is my favorite, though. We each had to pick our own subjects to drawn and after I picked the rose I had second thoughts. But now I'm glad I did. I love it. I'm not even done with it but wanted to show you. I have to add more of a shadow to the right of the little cup.

I also wanted to show you a very cool example of the process. Our teacher sent this video she found on youtube. He's using some kind of water bottle, but it's the same basic technique:

Let It Snow

After my soggy bottom adventures at the end of the week, I woke up Saturday to the heavy snow the weatherman had been promising all week. I didn't leave the house the entire weekend and finally, on Sunday evening, I decided to venture out in the snow. I really wanted a cup of joe from Aromas and also to see the City Center fountain in the snow.

I wish I had my camera out when a young couple were doing donuts on the road, probably in their parents' car.

I almost fell on the ice only about a dozen times, soooo, that was a well earned cup of coffee, let me tell you.

Don't worry, I drank it in the warmth of the coffee shop.

water logged

Yet another entry in the "this is a true story" "this is not a work of fiction" and "I couldn't make this up if I tried" history of foo.

So, I bought a condo in October. I knew that the heating/cooling unit and the water heater were original to my new-to-me home (circa 1987) but on inspection were still in good working order.

Wednesday evening I came home to a leaking water heater and by leaking I mean about an inch of water all around it. Since I live in a condo, I don't have the luxury of my water heater residing in the garage or a basement. My water heater is located next to the washer/dryer in the hallway, and the hallway is carpeted. Leaking water heater + carpeted hallway = not a good situation. Not only was the carpet in the hallway soaked, the water even seeped through the wall into the second bedroom. I must say, I am pretty proud of myself for not crying. It was definitely cry-worthy.

By Thursday afternoon I had a new water heater, a much lighter wallet, and a very soggy carpet. Let's put this behind us. Let's move on. Now you have a new water heater and at least it didn't happen in the first month of your move because that would have really put you over the edge. Buying a new home is stressful enough and to add a major problem in the first month of adjustment would have been too much for this girl to handle.

So, Thursday evening, with my new water heater, "fat boy" in place, I washed a load of cloths. All the while I was crossing my fingers that the new heater was installed correctly and didn't come with it's own problems. Thankfully, the wash went well and with a sigh of relief I called my Mom to tell her the good news, having kept her updated of all the recent happenings [Or rather whining to her about all the recent happenings.]

All is well now, right? One less thing to worry about, right? HA! Think again. It seems that the universe wasn't quite done with me.

As I was talking to Mom on the phone, I heard a sudden rush of water and ran to the laundry to see water spewing from behind the stackable washer and dryer. Water was backing up from my drain but I wasn't even washing! I quickly turn off the main water line and the water stopped. As I'm freaking out on the phone, I'm assuming it is something wrong with my "fat boy", but after much rationalizing, I realize that wasn't possible. Nothing was being washed, so why would water be gushing from my washer drain? I reluctantly turned on the water main again and, thankfully, nothing happened. Then, in a moment of silence, I heard something from above. Ah ha! My upstairs neighbor. It sounded like she was washing cloths. I could hear her machine agitating above. If I was correct, another rinse cycle was just about due. I braced myself for the worst, and as I thought, her machine went into another cycle and the waters flowed again...all over. Even more soggy carpet. It seems my neighbor and I share the same drain, and we have a clog.

Seriously? Two unrelated water mishaps in a 24 hour period? Now, this, I might not be able to handle. I get off the phone and run out the door and upstairs to the neighbor's. I tell her what was happening downstairs and ask her to please turn off her washer. The poor girl. I guess the universe was messing with her, too, because she tells me that her car just died and she has to worry about shelling out money for that and now this plumbing issue. Hey, misery loves company, so we are in this together. We exchange numbers and she tells me she is going to call a plumber friend tomorrow. In the mean time, I head back downstairs to call my boss and tell her I need a mental day Friday, to which she fully agrees.

I then survey the extensive water damage and after much thought of mold and mildew, this it what I do:

That's right, I ripped up the carpet and padding in front of the laundry room and partway into the second bedroom and called it a day.

Friday morning I called the company that installed my water heater and by 11 a.m. my new best friend, George, is stuffed behind my washer/dryer snaking the drain. Oh, please let it be this simple, is what I am thinking. Finally, George asks me to run a cycle on the largest load. He's still stuffed like a sardine as the washer fills, and then it's time. I hit the spin cycle and hold my breath as the water drains. Success! George unpretzels himself and as he is leaving, I thank him profusely and make a mental note to send him a proper "thank you". Why? Because he didn't charge me when he could have! And really? He worked harder than the kid that installed the water heater the day before.

A thank you to the hero of the day:

So, now I have a half-carpeted hallway and second bedroom. But you know what? I consider this one of those bad things that turns into a good thing because I really hate carpet and I wanted that second bedroom to be a craft room anyway, and carpeting in a craft room? Not a good thing. Now, I have in mind to paint the concrete floor, maybe a nice checkerboard. So, be sure to check back to see if it ever happens or if a year from now I'm still living with the lovely "industrial" concrete look above.